A little heart to heart

It's been a busy day...actually since I started my new job life has just gotten hectic. I don't seem to know where the day goes, where the week goes and where time goes in general. Today I got to have some good talks with people.

In one conversation my words were as simple as this: "be cautious on the road you're traveling on...it brings much heartache and regret" and later on " I only want the best for you because that's all you deserve". After having that conversation I realized how messed up my life was last year at school. From last May(2004) until we'll say the end of February, my life was in a downward spiral. After Laurie passed away, I started to get reconnected with God. I realized that I made some pretty stupid choices in that time frame and left myself open for a lot of pain. Some pain I'm still not over and some things still haunt me. For this reason, the mere fact that I've been there, I've done that, I worry about my friends and family, about the choices they make and about the situations they may get themselves into. And all I can do is pray for their safety and be there to take out anyone who hurts them. God watched over me and protected me and watched me screw up time and time again. In fact He's still watching over me and watching me screw up time and time again. God's grace will never cease to amaze me.

My comment to my friend about only wanting the best because that's all they deserve reminds me of God. He only wants the best for us. And yet for some reason, we only want crap for ourselves. I only recently decided that I want and deserve the best for me. For so long I have struggled with this. Somewhere along the road of pain, I began to believe a lie (from Satan) that I don't deserve the best. There have been many times where I have said "oh I don't deserve a great guy, any guy will do". But not anymore. I want the best guy out there. I want the guy that God has planned for me to be with. This new road may be more lonely but at least I know that when the time is right I will get the best that God has planned for me and we will be greatly blessed.

In a later conversation with my cousin Dani, I realized how much I'm growing up and how old we've all gotten. What's up with that? I remember when we were younger and how we would play "Bar" in the basement of our grandparents house. It all seems so long ago. I miss that. My cousin is so wise in so many ways. She was teaching me pointers on how to manage my money. Aren't I supposed to be the older and wiser one here?!? Hahah... We talked about how I should move to Bellingham,WA so that we could split rent and save money. It's an idea that isn't too far fetched. Before going to Harper I had applied at Seattle Pacific University. A Christian college in Seattle. But due to some different reasons I stayed in BG and went along on my merry little way. The times I have been out there to visit I've loved it. It's gorgeous. True, I would miss my family and friends like crazy but me moving out there doesn't mean I wouldn't come back. And when else will I have the freedom to move around and experience life in other places? Please know that this is only an idea and nothing has been cast in stone at all. I would like to know you're feelings on it though. Good or bad...preferably good though... :)

I hope life is treating you kindly and that you find just 5 minutes a day to do something for you!