Shrinking my head to music

OK so I've been tagged by 4 people now...I guess I'll do this thing and get it over with. I love music so much that it's hard to only pick 5 songs. And I think this things has run it's course so I'm not tagging anyone!

THE RULES: List five songs that you are currently loving. It doesn't matter what genre they are from, whether they have words, or even if they're any good, but they must be songs you're really enjoying right now. Post these instructions, the artists, and the songs in your blog. Then tag five other friends to see what they're listening to.

1. "Savin Me" by Nickelback
2. "Restored" by Jeremy Camp
3. "The Hard Way" by Keith Urban
4. "Trouble" by Ray LaMontagne
5. "Photograph" by Nickelback or "You'll think of me" by Keith Urban

Like I said before I love music sooo much!! It's so hard to pick just 5 songs.

Shrinking my head? What's up with that? So this past weekend I had the extreme pleasure of going back to ISU for Homecoming! Basically just an excuse to get drunk and act stupid...hey I'll take it! My cousin Riggs (Julie) let Rob and me stay with her which was great!! Both nights however I had my fun and then had a major meltdown. So much so that Riggs is still very concerned about my well being. On the way home I realized that after 7 months of trying to be strong and trying not to be emotional, that it just isn't working anymore. I made a call to Willow's counseling referral people and they gave me some names. I made the call yesterday to set up an appointment. At first this was not something I wanted everyone to know about. But I realized that I don't need to hide what I'm going through. Of the people I've told, all have been supportive and I know that this is what I need. I'm just totally dreading that first appointment. I told one friend that it was one of the hardest calls I've had to make. I know this won't be easy but I can't expect my friends to take away the pain. Thank you to everyone who has sat with me while I cried and rambled on about anything and everything. I love you dearly!!

Missing Laur, Megan and Mexico

So today I was in bloodbank just hanging around waiting for some stuff to stop spinning and I started cracking my knuckles. Nothing out of the ordinary for me. But then I was trying to crack my thumbs and couldn't. Then I remembered who tried to teach me how to crack them...Laurie...I remember her sitting with my hand in hers, her trying to be so gentle and then CRACK! And my response being somewhat inappropriate. Much profanity and her just laughing and me saying OK now do the other one...and the profanity continued...she can't do that anymore for me. She can't be here to laugh at me (or with me) she can't be here to hug me and say "Awww I love you Stephanie". That's all I wanna say about that...

On another note, in August I received a letter from the orphanage in Mexico telling me that the child I sponsored was leaving to be with his mother. I was upset that I didn't get the chance to give him one last hug but I am sure happy that God put little Jose Luis in my life. Today I received a letter telling me about the new child I will be sponsoring. She's 7 years old and soo stinkin cute!! I can't wait to meet her and give her a big hug!! Her name is Yiria although I'm not quite sure on the pronunciation. And this makes me happy and sad. Happy because I love the orphanage and all the children there. Sad because I miss Megan (that lucky duck gets to live there) and I miss being there. Even though it was hard being there, that is where I experienced God's love to the fullest. I miss that.

Good weekends

I know I know...I haven't been too good about updating daily, weekly, sometimes monthly...I'm sorry...

What's new in my life? I start PM's in about 3 weeks at which time I think (and hope) that things will get better. I've already been told that I will enjoy this shift better because of the crew. I'm excited and can't wait! I have to do a week more in Hemo/Bloodbank because I'm not up to par on the speediness.

Last weekend was good. I went to dinner with my Jamie girl and got to hang out with my girls Jen and Jamie afterwards. Later we met up with Jen's bf Matt's friends and had a blast! Saturday afternoon we all continued to hang out and then went our separate ways only to meet up at Mike's later on in the city. It's funny how some people you meet you just click with. All of the guys we were with are just a fun group of guys. They like to laugh and drink and just be goofy. I did however have a break down before bed and found out that I'm not alone in my grief of suicide. I'm so glad that God has put me where I'm at. I may not be great with going to church or reading my Bible but for once I feel that I'm right where I'm supposed to be.

Today Mishy and I will be going up to visit Kim!! How excited am I?!?! I can't wait to see that girl and give her a huge hug!! Especially after I broke down on Sunday night and she had to talk and listen to my sobbing for an hour :-P I don't know what I'd do without my friends. They are people in my life that I need to survive the madness of this world.

Love Steph