Teen Camp 2006

The strongest staff ever!! Look at those muscles!!
TC 2005

One huge part of my life is serving with these people. For about 5 years now I've been involved with Teen Camp. The first 3 years I was on the Force and also doing some programming things. Last year I was on program staff. Quite a change for me. Last year was especially hard because Laurie and I had planned on hanging out at camp that year. My heart was just not there. It also didn't help that I hadn't gone through counseling yet. Every free minute I had, I spent going off site and just driving. Driving to get away. Driving to free my mind of the pain. When Winter Camp was coming up, I wasn't sure about where I stood with camp and my position. I asked God to start opening and closing some doors. That's when God decided to have me be a counselor...eek! The cool thing was, that I tried it, loved it, but also saw that my place at camp is not really in a cabin. It's very much in the programming. It's in the hustle and bustle of everyday things and running around to make sure everything is done. It's in the background.

Today we had our first brainstorming meeting for TC 2006. Already we have some great ideas and I'm super excited about this year! I love being at camp for the week. I love the atmosphere. I love being able to serve God and the campers and giving my all. These next few months will be very hectic with schedule making and planning and meetings. But it brings my heart so much joy to be a part of it. I thank God for giving me an opportunity to be there and giving me such a great team to be a part of!!

Looking Upward

This is a photo taken at Yellowstone in 1987 by Ed Austin and Herb Jones. It is titled "Looking Upward". It's amazing...all the wonderful things you can find on the internet...but back to the reason for this post....

After my minor/major freak out on Tuesday, things have started to look up. I realized I took my eyes off of God just for a moment. I need to keep looking upward and everything will fall into place. God will continue to provide and be there for me no matter what. I just have to keep my eyes focused on something bigger than me. Something that makes sense in this world that doesn't. God has been so faithful to me. Why would I want to fix my eyes on something that won't be there tomorrow? God is there every single minute of my day. And I am so thankful that He is. I'm so thankful that no matter what, He will be there for me.

So I am looking upward and excited about what the future holds for me.

Bleeding Heart

If this picture was inside my body...that's what you'd see. My heart has been in a lot of pain today. Not for one particular reason or another, but for many reasons. I called my mom on the way to work to just get my mind off the fact that I couldn't stop crying. However, that didn't work so well because I just kept crying. She kept saying "you better get it together before you get to work". And I'd laugh and tears would fall some more.

Over the past few days I've had some random but good conversations with people. In one of them I was told that I run away and give up on relationships too quickly. In another I was told that I think about some things too much and other things not enough. And also that I think too far into the future. So the thoughts started piling up and just left me feeling just really sad. I don't know why. I have some thoughts that I'm not willing to put out here but you get the general idea. And on the way home from work I was listening to my new favorite song(see below) and started the whole crying thing again...annoying!!

I know God wants me to be alone...but I just want to feel that rush....I want to feel loved by a guy who thinks the world of me...I just have to be patient and wait...but sometimes it's a little more than my heart can handle...

"Love is a Marathon" by Teddy Geiger

You love to run
Into the arms Of anyone
Take off your shoes and socks
And stay awhile
You like the adrenaline rush
Just a little too much
You go from day to day
Hand to mouth
And wonder why You're unsatisfied

[Chorus]
Cause love is a marathon
That's why you get tired so fast of everyone
Slow down and pace yourself
Cause when it's good
It's a long open road

You think still
You'll find a soul behind a thrill
You're just a cat chasing your tail
Round and round
What if you relax
Something might last

[Chorus]

You're exhausted always coming down
Trying to come up for air
Trying to act like you just don't care
La da da, de da da

[Chorus]

Daffodils

Today(Good Friday) was a day of sunshine and greatness...I woke up to the sun shining in my room and the birds chirping. One of my favorite things. I had counseling today and it went pretty well. Actually very well. I took some "tests" and after my counselor was amazed. He said that he had never seen me like this in the time that we've been meeting. That is a good thing...no it's a great thing! I guess things have changed a lot in just the past few days. I think God is continuing the healing of my heart. I'm appreciating life and the time I get to spend with my family and friends. These next few weekends are pretty packed but I'm loving it! And camp things are getting started which always brings a smile to my face!!

After I left counseling, with the windows down and music blasting, the wind in my face, I couldn't help but smile. Traffic was a little busy but I didn't seem to mind. On the way home from a quick shopping trip, I drove down Old McHenry Rd. As I was driving, I kept noticing all of the yellow daffodils. All along the road. Bright as the sun and just beautiful. As I kept driving I just kept smiling. I'm loving life and it could be the change of seasons....but maybe it's the changing of seasons in my life. I welcome and embrace the changes that are to come. I'm not living in the past but just enjoying the present and the future that is to come.

Thank you to all of you who have stood beside me. Thank you for praying for me and for listening. In short thank you for being a part of my life!!

Catching up on learning

Today I finally had time and took time to read the Lent book from Mars Hill. I had listened to Sunday's message on Tuesday but ran out of time before I had to go to work. Today was my "catch-up" day. I looked at these 4 different passages. Phil 3:7-11, 1 Cor. 1:4-9, Eph. 1:3-14, and Psalm 57:7-11. Each passage I read had a very different effect on me. I realized and learned a lot today. I realized that I need to get my passion for God back. It's not going to be easy but it is not something that is so far fetched. I need to start serving more and go to church. I need to be constantly fed. I've noticed more recently that I need to physically eat about every couple of hours to not be starving. I realized that I've been starving myself of God and learning. I need to be fed by Him all the time. He needs to be my main focus. I need to keep my eyes on Him at all times.

I think one of the biggest things that I learned today was that God loves me more than I could ever imagine. He chose ME. He created me in His image. He gave me everything I need. What have I done for Him lately? I've tried to stay connected. I've tried to listen. I've tried to be in constant communication with Him. But my heart wasn't in it. My heart has been hurt in the last few weeks and while I have been spending time with God, my heart and sometimes my mind kind of gave up. I've noticed my attitude and the things that come out of my mouth haven't been honoring to God. These are things that I'm going to work on. My heart needs some work and I know that God will heal it and make it whole again.

May God be with you.

Image of the Invisible God

This was the title from the Mars Hill Lent book for today. The passage is Colossians 1:15-22. I usually don't post what I have gathered and learned and written because well...that's between God and me. But I feel that this is pretty important stuff and I'd like to share it with all of you wonderful people...

"Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of your evil behavior. But now he has reconciled you by Christ's physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation" Col 1:21-22.

I was created by God to be used by Him for His work. I am here because God wanted me here. He had a plan for my life from the moment I was thought of. He gave me all of the qualities I have. He let me make choices. He gave me free will. He was right beside me when the choice I made wasn't great. He was there to help me pick up the pieces. To carry me in His arms and to love me for who He made me to be. For it is in His eyes that I have no faults. It is in His eyes that I am a beautiful creation of God.

What an amazing God we have. What an amazing God that we serve.

May you feel God's amazing love for you today and always.