Hmmm....

"You ever look at a picture of yourself and see a stranger in the background? It makes you wonder, how many strangers have pictures of you. How many moments of other peoples lives have we been in. Were we a part of someone's life when their dream came true? Or were we there when their dreams died? Did we keep trying to get in, as if we were somehow destined to be there? Or did the shock take us by surprise. Just think. You could be a big part of someone else's life. And not even know it." Quote from One Tree Hill

This was a quote I found from the show One Tree Hill. I wonder how many strangers have pictures of me...I know that some people from my class in California have a few. I wonder what they think when they see those pics...I for one did not take any although I wish I had. There was one person in particular that I spent some time with usually at the bar talking. One night, out of the blue, he asked me why I was so self-conscious. Stunned, I just looked at him. He totally caught me off guard. We spent the next 20 minutes dissecting me...how fun...but it got me to thinking that night...and I think about it now and then...

I got a chance to hang out with a friend the other night and we talked about life. And me...something I'm not so good at...but he went on to compliment me and tell me how I have so much to offer and that I'm a good person and to not settle. Settling is something that I tend to do...I'm not sure why...but I just do...it's also something that I'm trying not to do anymore. I deserve the best. I deserve to be loved and adored for the crazy girl that I am. I deserve to have someone who complements me well and who lets me be me. I won't settle. And if anyone sees me doing that...stop me!

Skating on Thick Ice

Last night I got to go ice skating with a bunch of friends for Vicki's 22nd birthday. I think the drive there with 7 cars was the craziest caravan action that I've seen. Especially when we had to crack a u-turn....It's been a long time and I mean a long time since I've ice skated. After I put on my skates I headed into the rink area. I stepped out onto the ice and screamed... hhaha... Vicki (the expert skater) grabbed my hands and pulled me around until I was able to get my bearings...The whole thing was just fun. I got to catch up on life with Heather and Mishy and just hang out. I laughed and got excited when I spun around in a circle (unintentionally). I screamed...when Mishy let go and pushed me towards the wall where I almost fell over the side...The cool air on my face, the company of friends and hearing the laughs, screams and giggles was just cool. And the best part...I didn't fall once!!

After we left the rink, we headed back to Vicki and Matt's for some chill time and cake and pizza...It was good to hang out with everyone. It was good to see Dee and Pat and just talk with them. Amidst all the crazy things that are going on in my life, it was just good to relax and hang out...

Tears to Smiles...

(http://forums.adventchildren.net/showthread.php?t=39345)

tear² (tîr)

1. A drop of the clear salty liquid that is secreted by the lachrymal gland of the eye to lubricate the surface between the eyeball and eyelid and to wash away irritants. (www.answers.com)

Why don't people like to cry? I know for me it is a sign of weakness. It is me being vulnerable when I don't want to be. Usually crying comes from a hurt. And really who likes to be hurt?

Towards the beginning of last week I had to ask a friend to be brutally honest with me and tell me where our relationship stood. This was something that had been in the back of my mind nagging me for a while. But finally I decided that I deserve to know so that I can move on with me life. See I guess in my heart I knew where things stood with us. I was just hoping that maybe I was wrong just this once ;-) But just as I had long suspected, our relationship is just a friendship and that's ok.

I had to go to California 2 weeks ago for a week of fun in the sun. OK really it was for training for one of our new instruments. But it was beautiful there. Sunny everyday and 75 degrees and upwards. I met a lot of cool people, most of them being crazy MTs. I guess we all have to have a certain degree of craziness to be in the profession that we're in. I met a guy from Toronto and we went to a hockey game one night with another guy and it was fun!! I had never been to a hockey game before so the guys were trying to explain it to me which was pretty funny. On Friday morning while I was eating my breakfast bar in bed, there was a knock on my door. As I opened it, I saw the guy from Toronto standing there with a huge smile on his face and when I asked what he was doing he responded with "I had to see you. I had to say goodbye". To which my heart melted a little and my response was "Awwww"....hahha...I guess just that little interaction got me thinking...why am I not out there meeting people? Fear. That's it. That's the bottom line. And also the attachment that I had with someone was holding me back. I guess that's what spurred me on to ask that tough question. But also remembering that interaction in Cali helps me to know that I should be having those heart melting moments.

So my tears have turned to smiles and I know that I am strong enough to get through this. I mean heck if I can get through Class V rapids, I can conquer the world!! OK...maybe not the world...but I can conquer some stuff ;-)

May God smile upon you and turn your tears and fears into smiles and confidence!