Hope

So this was what my daily calendar said today:

"If hope dies, we begin to die, don't we? As long as we can keep that candle of hope lit, as long as we can keep that spark of possibility afire, then we can stay strong."

"I find rest in God; only he gives me hope." Psalm 62:5

This makes me think of Aunt Barb and her Hope ring. She has been so strong through this and I'm amazed at her strength. I'm also just amazed at this family that I like to call my own. They have all been so strong and have been such a cool witness to how family should be. Even in the thick darkness they have relied on God to provide strength and know that He is with them. I love each and everyone of them and I hope they know that and that I'm praying for them daily.

Have a wonderful hope-filled day!!

Butterflies

Today was a little different than I had anticipated.

I envisioned working really hard on my classes and studying really hard for my test. As I spent time with God this morning I learned more about his love for me. I love that God loves me.

After dinner I decided to sit outside and look over the stuff I needed to study. A few minutes after I was sitting there I noticed something flying around but didn't focus on it. Then whatever it was kept flying around so I finally decided to figure out what was going on. As I looked up from my papers, I saw a butterfly land on the ground not more than a few feet away. It was just chillin there and as I stared tearfully in awe of this creation, another butterfly flew down and the both of them flew off together. I turned back to my papers and tried to refocus. However, the one butterfly kept circling around my head and then the 2 would fly around and it almost seemed like they were playing. I quickly finished studying and got 2 journals out. I wrote a letter to Laurie in one and then a pretty long letter to God in the other.

You see, butterflies are my thing. When my life was forever changed about six and a half weeks ago, I wanted nothing more than to know that God was with me (this usually comes in the form of a butterfly for me). I just wanted to see one. But I didn't. I wasn't angry with God for that because I knew that He was with me. And today I guess God just needed to remind me that He loves me and that He longs to be with me. I wanted nothing more than to just spend the day with God today and yet I knew that I had to study for my test and do other meaningless tasks.

Well I just wanted to share my little random story. If you'd like to know more about the butterflies please feel free to ask...I might just tell you a story...

"The Lord has chosen you to be his treasured possession" Deuteronomy 14:2
"Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand" Psalm 73:23

Pub Crawl 2005...Jackie, Kayla, Jenn, Me and Bri  

Me and Bri dancing to the syphilis song at Mulligan's...the first establishment of the evening... 

The Fam :) 

Aww...don't we look like we're goin to prom?? Me and Philly 

Rambling...

Sorry it's been so long...

Today was my last day at Menards...kind of sad but not really so much. I'm going to miss the people I work with just because it's like a family there. You get to know so much about one another and you get to know everyone's personalities. I'm going to miss that.

Last night I went on a Pub Crawl with a bunch of girls from my major. It was good to just be out and laugh and catch up with people. But then I just didn't feel like being out anymore so I took a friend home and went home myself.

One thing I've been enjoying is my little grill. I like fire...heheh...I also like spending time with my cousin Julie and other people that stop by. I like just sitting on the steps of my apartment watching the food cook and just having time to talk and vent. I like the fact that I can burn the crap out of a piece of meat and yet my cousin and I will sit there gnawing on it until it's all gone just to say that we cooked-out, all the while making jokes about going to burger king and doing everything to get rid of the burnt taste. I'm getting back to my Master Griller status though. The first time out of the gate is usually pretty rough...it gets better with time though right?!? Let's hope so!!

I like waking up early in the morning and seeing the sun coming through. I like hearing the birds chirp and sing. I like the blue skies that God has been providing and the warm days we've received. I like this time of the year.

Ok...enough rambling for one night I think...

Wedding Day!!

Lots of random stuff to post today...

First off, Happy Birthday to my girl Jamie...I don't know if you read this or not but know that I love you tons and I wish you the best!!

Secondly, I accepted the position as a Medical Technologist in the Chemistry department at Northwestern Memorial Hospital yesterday!! How excited am I??

Thirdly, Today is my brother's wedding!! Congrats Joe and Libby!! I'm so excited to have something to celebrate today.

As I was reading my bible last night I came across this passage.
"Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God." Ephesians 5:1-2

This just reminds me of Laurie. Not in a bad way at all. But just in the fact that she did live a life full of love! How cool?!?

Anyways I hope that you feel God's love for you today and everyday! Know that He is with you always and will never leave your side!

Me grow up?? NEVER!!

So I know it's crazy for me to post twice in one day but I need some serious prayer...

Today around 5pm I got a call from the hr person at Northwestern. They offered me not one but two (yes count them 2) jobs. One is a 2nd shift bloodbank position and the other is a 2nd shift chemistry position. This is HUGE!! I have to touch base with her by Friday and let her know my decision.

This is where the whole prayer thing comes in...when I left my interview I didn't feel great about the hospital. But now that it's within reach it's a different story. I couldn't ask for a better starting pay and the benefits are pretty stinkin good. It would be nice to go into graduation with a job already lined up. But is this where God wants me to be?

I think I had this idea from working in Streator that I would find a hospital and stay there for 40 years. But really I wasn't looking at it the right way. If I can get some experience from Northwestern and have that on my resume, I don't think I'd have a problem finding another job if I found after a while that I didn't like it there. That's the great thing about working in the medical field...JOB SECURITY...People always get sick...You can count on that!

So if you are reading this, please just pray for me that God would give me clarity and a peace about this if this is where He wants me. And if He doesn't want me there that He would provide another opportunity.

Thanks so much!!

And as a side note...I don't know that I like the idea of having to grow up.

The Coolness that is God

Let me tell you how cool God is...

God has once again provided for me. He has provided some extra money that I needed to pay some bills and enough that I feel comfortable with the amount I have.

God always provides and you can't tell me He doesn't. He is faithful and never ceases to amaze me. Whether it is monetary, or friendships, or people in my life, God always meets me where I'm at and provides what I need or what I will be needing later.

I glanced ahead to June 7 on my daily calendar and it says this...

"We serve the God who designed the universe and set our world in motion. But those hands that hung the stars in the heavens also wiped away the tears of the widow and the leper. And they will wipe away your tears as well.

"I leave you peace; my peace I give you...So don't let your hearts be troubled or afraid."

John 14:27

And then it hits me...

So today is April 2, 2005 and I didn't realize this until I was sitting on my bathroom floor after takin a nice bubble bath and started reading some journals.

I put in the Laurie DVDs and started watching the part that was looped throughout the wake. I hadn't watched the entire thing during the wake. And suddenly towards the end there's a slideshow of pics and then it hit me...she's gone...I can't stop crying and the more I try to get rid of the tears the more they keep coming. I called her cell to hear her voice and while I know she's gone, when she said "Hello" my heart started beating so fast and then it hit me again...she's not really there...she's with Jesus...and while that's cool for her...it sucks for the rest of us that have to deal with the pain of her not being here. We have to deal with the thousands of why questions...We have to deal with trying to sort through our feelings...We have to deal with the fact that she's gone and didn't so much as mutter a word about being sad or having thoughts of hurting herself.

What the heck? This is wrong! She was supposed to be here for me, to pray for me, to tell me I'm beautiful, to give me hugs, to order my drink at Starbucks (cause I always screw it up), we were supposed to take a road trip and now she's gone and can't do any of those things for me or with me. That fricken sucks! I'm angry and sad and I'm trying to be joyful because I know that this world was not for her. But I needed her here with me damnit! (sorry)

May God place peace in your heart today...