Floundering in a Box

So I thought of tonight's title while I was sitting in traffic on the way home from work today. I told my mom last night on the way to visit my grandpa in the hospital that I just feel like I'm floundering. Not really swimming to a destination, not swimming in circles, but just kind of there amidst the craziness. I also have been feeling like I want to take all of my loved ones and put them in a box so that they never grow older and that I always have them by my side. Katie was telling me on Saturday how she wants to put Isaiah in a box...Thanks Kate for making me laugh!!

Once again yesterday I was told not to stay at NMH for a long time and that I should become a nurse. Whaaa? OK then! I got home and quickly glanced through Harper's Nursing Program. Technically it would probably only take me 2 years part time. Mostly because that's where I got my Associates Degree from. Anyways...I'm still contemplating but also remembering that I do have a passion for what I'm doing. Maybe just not at the place I'm at.

Tomorrow at 2pm I will begin the interviewing process at another hospital. It's 10 miles away and 18 min of driving (supposedly). Family, Friends, Random people who may read this, please pray for me tomorrow. Pray that God's will for my life would be known to me. And that I would have courage to give notice at NMH if God wants me at this other hospital.

I will update as soon as something happens. Thank you again for your thoughts and prayers. May God continually lead you as you look to Him.

Catfight

So last night I went to Grillworks with Jen to hang with her brother during Catfight...(girls boxing with giant gloves) Somehow I ended up getting sucked into fighting. The first round I was up against Jen and had to take it easy on her cause of her accident. She ended up winning. The second round (in which I was supposed to be out) Jen forfeited so I had to take her place. Henry the guy who was running the whole thing told me I could take the girl I was going to be fighting. However, she ended up leaving and I was left to face a drunken bartender. Let's just say that I got demolished. And that's saying it nicely. She was relentless. I got smacked more than a few times directly in the face. What was innocent fun to me quickly became a death match. Scary!! I had fun, but I now need to bulk up and fine tune my skills before next month's match. And some of you may ask "Why did you do this?" There was a winner's prize of $250....you can't tell me you wouldn't have at least tried...and besides if there weren't so many beastly women doing this thing I would have won!!

Happy Birthday Beautiful!!

HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY La!!

My day started off as usual by getting up before the sun had risen, jumpin in the shower and getting ready for work. As I drove to work I had a worship cd in my car playing and as the songs played I had a bunch of mini-flashbacks. One of the last being of the wake. As I got off at my exit my eyes started to fill up with tears. THIS SUCKS! I came to a stoplight that normally I don't have to stop for. As I sat there listening to music and thinking of you, a butterfly started flying around my car and next to me. Of course this lead me to completely lose it. I got to my parking lot and just sat and listened to the words of the song. I walked to work and couldn't stop thinkin bout you. I was kind of dreading today for a multitude of reasons. One of them being that I had to learn some new machines and the person who was training me isn't real well liked in the lab. But as the day progressed, my co-worker told me stories about her life and gave me some really good advice that I needed to hear. And I, I just listened. Maybe that's all she needed. Was someone to just listen to her.

At the end of my shift I got my things together and walked back to my car. All the while contemplating if I could stop by the lake and be able to get back home in time to play softball at 7:30...I decided to wing it and go to the Planetarium. I found a close parking spot and learned that I stink at parallel parking. I grabbed my jacket, keys, water bottle, and my last 2 remaining cigarettes and walked to the place where you spent your last hours. I sat about a foot away from the edge because it was a little wet. At first I just cried. I'm just missin you girl! Then I began to smoke and cried some more. Just a few minutes later a huge wave came over the barrier and water was suddenly everywhere. I just had to laugh cause I know that you had a hand in gettin me soaked! I sat there for a while more with wet pants and just gazed out into the lake. As I went for my last smoke I realized that it too had gotten wet. I took that as a sign that I shouldn't be smokin anymore. Thanks. I left the lake and was at peace.

I got to softball (I was subbing for a friend) and told Jamie that we would win tonight. "For Laurie...in honor of her birthday!! We have to win!!" Guess what my dear?? We won!! 12-11 close game I know. But we won!! I played in honor of you. In honor of the wonderful friendship we had for 20 years. In honor of being sisters in Christ. In honor of being blessed with having you in my life!

I'm sad that you're not here. That I never got to buy you a legal drink. That I never got to go to a bar with you. But I know that you are rockin in Heaven. Life isn't the same without you in it. I miss you so much but I know that I will see you again. I love you dearly and will see you someday!

Three Months

Has it been this long already? It's crazy to think that 3 months has quickly and quietly passed me by.

To be truthful and honest, I am still angry. Not at other people that hurt Laurie in various ways but because this was her choice. She made the decision to drive downtown. She made the decision to jump in. I can no longer blame anyone but her. And while this may upset people it's just how I feel. I'm mad at her for taking away our friendship. I'm mad at her for not being here with her neices and nephews. I'm mad at her for not being here with Scott. I'm mad at her for this "choice" she made. I know she wasn't in her right mind but I would love to know what the hell she was thinking and if she even was. Well I suppose that's enough ranting for one night. I could go on about this but I won't...